Thats great in theory & hopefully one day we get there as a society, but the cold hard fact is that women are so much more likely than men to be assaulted or coerced on a date. That doesnt mean that you should never do it or that it never works out, but it does mean thatif youre going to do it, its key to approachit in a low-key way that makes it really, really easy for the personto say no. Eventually he came to pick up his little sister on a day I happened to be out sick. Reply Like #9 Never asked a cashier out , but i allways wanted to ask a female car sales women , how much for a hummer , so far i haven't had the chance..Lew Reply Like I'd say just letting her know you exist, more than simply being a stranger is enough for now. Maybe you don't need her number and she can just show up at a place and time. It was so non-creepy that I didnt even realize it was a request for a date until the end of the day. Something that lets him know where youll be if he ever wanted to bump into you outside of a work environment. Check out this blog post for an eloquent statement about this: http://captainawkward.com/2011/07/04/blanket-statement-monday-stop-hitting-on-the-waitress/ Aaron/Erins unite! Ill remain concerned that if a trend of two people people meeting public and getting to know each other has become zomg dangerous and exploitative, and dont know how yall are going to make it through. Ask and offer advice for specific dating situations. Im a male, nearly 30, and I have been going back and forth for weeks about somehow asking out this cashier at a grocery store I frequent. For instance - southern Europe here - to me it's perfectly acceptable to engage in small talk with the cashier. So I met this girl who is a cashier at a local store and shes really cute. Working retail, this happens so, so frequently that it stops being flattering and becomes another work annoyance that you have to deal with, plus the unease of not knowing how someone is going to react if you reject them. Established relationships longer than 6 months posts should go to r/relationship_advice Many, many people have posted here about their experiences working in customer service positions, which require them to be pleasant and nice to customers as part of their paycheck, and how unpleasant and difficult it is to negotiate romantic interest from customers when that power imbalance exists (and particularly when there are people who rely on or even enjoy that power imbalance). My suggestion is to not overthink this or make it overly complicated. But its still a business interaction. You can try going to the supermarket at different times, e.g. Theres also no way to guarantee itll go smoothly (he could say no, or you could go out and it could be disastrous), so if thats going to keep you from shopping there, youve got to decide which you want more: the possibility of a date with him or the certainty that you can continue comfortably going to that store. Flirt more. Yeptrue creeps are spreading it around as much as they can. Some were way too persistent. I see what youre getting at, but my experience in retail and food service was that everybody doing the latter still thinks theyre doing the former.. But I was going to come and suggest something like, Are you going to the ZYX event? This is how normal people meet, during the course of a normal day. Part of having agency and being liberated is being able to say, Hell, no! I met my husband in a bar; I met my previous boyfriend at our mutual workplace. Another good thought in that direction is include them in a party inviteHey, Im having some people over on Saturdaycome on by.. I can find out though and that might make things a little less fraught, dynamics-wise, if he is. now, the girl will laugh or will give an angry eye, depends on how you convey the tone. I loved the store and my job and loved that part of it was to talk about my interests with customers who shared those interests. Answers always gonna be no if you dont ask. I think if the OP really, really wants to follow up on this guy, the way to do it is by very gradually escalating and paying a lot of attention to his responses. Across the Country. There is a certain expectation put on the retail worker to always be polite, to be friendly, and to be helpful. Responding to that with flip remarks about how will the species survive or how its always been this way or how people who object really need to deal, frankly, comes across as wildly and deliberately obtuse which, again, is very out of character for you. Ugh, do you know how most men respond to being turned down? She has an easy escape: "Back to work, bye". Yeah, I used to teach adults and I was asked out BY A STUDENT. Even if you think this guy might really like you, youre going to have to take it slow. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck. And in the body of the post This is what fantasies are made of; the pizza guy and the sexy woman. Let them know why they caught your eye and why spending time together would be fun. And yes, some people take outright rejection very badly. Thanks, Ive definitely had guys mistake friendliness for flirting so I know what you mean. Find out something Sadly she wasn't in today when I was. He just seems interested. (disclaimer, Ive never worked any customer-facing position, so maybe Im way off). I'll just assume you're somewhat smart as to not be caught doing this and that you've already made your mind up. By doing this, you will actually get more insight regarding whether she likes you or she is just being polite. She flushed, returned the change, and caressed my hand in return. Its a social conditioning thing. it's happened to me before, and the guy ended up being my bf for 2 yrs awww.. that was surely sweet. Obviously you dont want to be creepily waiting for him by his car or something, but it could give you a chance to ask him out while hes off the clock. I have no doubt that there are some rare instances where this has worked out and the couple is now happily married with three kids and a dog and a white picket fence. Describe the importance of honesty and integrity, especially when dealing with cash and cards. The more you think about it the more chance you have of acting like a creeper lol. TL;DR: I was 1000% sure this guy liked me, I asked him out and found out he didnt. Met a girl, we liked each other but now shes ignoring me and i want her back. I got hit on by so many men when I was 16ish that could have been my father. And its so true; it can be tricky to know if someone just really likes corn or really likes you. If you were interested in a customer, what would you do about it? My brother-in-law met the woman hes about to propose to when he was an employee at a grocery store and she was a customer. I personally wouldnt ask him out directly, but would drop some hints about what youll be doing over the weekend (movies, wine festivals, coffee shops, etc.) Being a little bit creepy, is okay, if you can't help it (you should), but don't be a stalker. I agree that the group thing could be a good, low-pressure way to go. When asking out a cashier, it is important to always put yourself in their shoes and be respectful of their feelings. Whatever. Need help with your relationship? No one is saying that you cant meet people in public places or even workplaces. How to get to know a service staff without interrupting her work? Its possible that he is burning with desire for you but would get in serious trouble if he asked you out on a date. Stack Exchange network consists of 181 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers. For fun and entertainment? Its normal. I think it can be ok if you do it very carefully. Unless we want to rely on eHarmony to produce the next generation, you have to take advantage of opportunities that present in the real world. The thing with Missed Connections is that 99.9% of them tend more to the Id love to take a swig from your Chocolate Teapot! At some point we realized that we needed to meet outside the store to really talk, which we then did. good luck you can do it!! Sure. A: Rejection can be tough, but its important to accept it gracefully. So, I'd strongly advise against even doing it this way. And Id probably be sure to check in on Swarm so thered be a record of it. One thing. For more information, please see our During your conversation with her, mention some place you're planning to be in the future so she can find you there if she chooses. I am a fairly attractive, personable guy and have been asked out by several customers over the years, and its never been a problem. Say it in a way that shows you mean it--smile and look (2) 3. Keep your body language open so that they feel more at ease. The world has always been creepy, you just werent aware of it. The problem is that all the good intent in the world doesnt really change how the service person being put on the spot is going to react. He texted her later that night and now theyve been dating for like three months! Where I live now, in Central European rural areas that latter point is the predominant norm. Don't ask someone out while they are at work. No one wants to be a creeper. Positive body language like dancing with excitement and enthusiasm helps convey your intentions clearly. Ask Amy: Is it still acceptable to refer to men as gentlemen and That is a requirement of the principle of safe -- which also applies to you. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Any approach must provide an easy exit for her so there'll be no uncomfortable conversations next time. I declined. I took his pointing out hes male as, Hey, Im a dude, so take what Im saying with a grain of salt, but this is what I think, I consider myself a pretty well-centered person. In most smaller towns and villages the cashier or shopkeeper gets to know the local community through their role as shopkeeper or cashier. I worked for years in retail when I was younger and fended off unwanted requests for dates successfully and without any kind of emotional scarring.). and our Generally, try not talking to women with the mentality oh my god I have to ask her out at some point. Id hesitate against saying dont ask the employee out entirely, because sometimes asking someone out can lead to good things, but Id definitely caution against relying only on signals within the store as the basis for his interest. I used to wait tables when I was young, and a lot of times guys (and horribly old men, too!) Additionally, try bringing up topics that have nothing do with romance; discussing something lighthearted may make things less intense and create a more relaxed atmosphere between both of you which could ultimately lead towards a positive outcome! They are paid to be nice and helpful and to show up where youre shopping if they think you might need help. Bustle It would be fun to run into you there. A lot of managers will take the word of the customer over their employee, so it is not out the realm of possibility to be written up for that complaint. I had one regular while I was a barista ask me out in what seemed to be a sincere way, but when I turned him down then showed up every single goddamn day and stared at me for almost a month. Heres my number, no pressure if youre not interested. If you get declined, however rudely, don't go complaining. Or, to put it more pithily, as this linked post full of citations says in its title, Mythcommunication: Its Not That They Dont Understand, They Just Dont Like The Answer Some people may have good intentions and be okay with a rejection, but there are a lot of men who arent and turn vicious if theyre ignored or rejected. Wrong. I think OP should probably take advice from local friends and ask what's expected there. But at least you put the ball in her court but have not placed any demands. Its like, Im working. But fr what a lot of people are saying here, has the world just gotten that much more creepy? Asking nicely doesnt erase that. Feel really confused like if shes playing games with me. It pays Alright so I used to work retail. I was looking for posts/comments I made and making sure I not did left some hanging, I agree dont do it. And it's low-impact enough you can do something like it several times without any appearance of being creepy. Yes, retail employees get hit on a lot, but on the flip side, I always thought working retail was fun because I got to meet some cute guy customers. Unless we want to rely on eHarmony to produce the next generation, you have to take advantage of opportunities that present in the real world.. I would assume that say, a Chipotle employee would probably feel way less pressure/expectation as part of the job to be friendly in the face of gross hitting on, because their wages arent as reliant on the customers decision to tip/not tip. It sounds to me like OP is being very conscientious about the situation. I must disclose agenda: I want a world where women are inherently safe and empowered. Agreed. If she doesn't respond, just say "thank you" as the transaction completes and you depart. Ok so i met this girl online. Im in the school of thought that the fact OP is concerned about how it will be received probably means shes fine to move forward. Thats why the OP should say it cheerfully, quietly, quickly, hand the card over and exit. Even if you dont mean for this to be the case, you are in a position of power when you are his client, and its inappropriate to initiate something like this when youre not on equal terms. Im trying to earn money and pay rentnot find dates. My older sister took a bank teller job when I was in my early teens and I recall her complaining of guys hitting on her simply because she was pleasant in manner and appearance. One of the firemen involved found one of my coworkers to be attractive. I put up with flirting from customers at my job all the time because Im in a position where Im being paid to be nice and dont feel like I can shut it down like I would outside of work. You should try it sometime. so if said gentleman wishes to run into you outside of work he would have a pretty good idea of how to do so. It was very intentional for me to talk to you about games. Something short and simple and easy for both of you. I don't like asking people out at their workplace, it's her job to be there, I don't want to make it awkward. Once you feel (please, do try to assess objectively) she's feeling somewhat comfortable, go in for a more direct hit. If youre a regular, you can talk to her casually until she gets used to seeing you. Use a bell on the door to let you know when new customers have arrived, so that you can be sure to greet them promptly. An employee could reasonably feel just as trapped into responding favorably to the polite request for a coffee date as a skeezy come on. I always hope she'll be stocking shelves or something (so she would be a little more approachable) when I see her but she's either cashier or in back. Assenting to courtship is an act of whimsy. Thats a good practice for people. I worked retail throughout high school and college. Lets give them the benefit of the doubt here. In Ohio, we have drive-thrus where you can literally drive through and buy beer, cigarettes, pop, etc. OP: I think most people can tell when there is some genuine interest going on. And the corn guy had his own business. My hope for the human race has just fallen by another notch. To me, it'd come across as a creepy behaviour. At one library where I worked, we were actually told to stop wearing our nametags because there was so much of this.